Monday, January 14, 2013

Drunk Oscars: The Golden Globes

To say I look forward to the Golden Globes each year is an understatement. My anticipation is palpable to everyone around me in the week preceding the awards show as I develop a nervous spasm where, at any moment, I might shout, "THE GLOBES!" I don't necessarily know why this is since there a lot of things about the Golden Globes that I don't agree with, like how they clump musicals and comedies into one category (Les Miz versus Silver Linings Playbook?) or even what they define as a musical (2011's My Week With Marilyn?). Or more specific to this year, I cannot fathom how NBC's Smash could be nominated over the network's other shows like 30 Rock, Parks and Recreation, or Community or over FX's Louie in the award for best television comedy or musical (I mean, at least Louie is on cable). So what is it about The Golden Globes that I enjoy so much? At the most basic level, I think it can be summed up in the nickname I've lovingly assigned to the ceremony: Drunk Oscars.

Celebrities sit around tables, get jammed into corners of booths and are forced to interact with one another. I could sit and watch three hours of pre-recorded schmoozing just for the satisfaction of seeing Clooney talking to Jack Black or Jon Hamm talking to Nicole Kidman or Quentin Tarantino talking to himself. Now I love watching the Oscars, but you just don't get that same alcohol fueled energy you do with the Globes. People's speeches tend to be a little zanier and presenters seem less nervous or flustered. Plus, the constant barrage of champagne makes it harder for the losers to conceal their hard-feelings during reaction shots (unless of course you're Taylor Swift and you don't even try to look gracious when someone with actual talent beats you. Adele, I love you).

So to honor the night presented by the Hollywood Foreign Press Association, here are my favorite moments from the 2013 Golden Globes

1. Tina Fey and Amy Poehler's opening monologue. Tina Fey and Amy Poehler burning James Cameron, James Franco, Taylor Swift, and Lena Dunham. Tina Fey and Amy Poehler's wardrobe. Tine Fey and Amy Poehler. Period.

2. The only thing better than Adele's singing voice is her speaking voice. I could listen to her cackle and say things like "ahoy" and "we're getting pissed" all night long.

3. Glen Close (pretending?) to be drunk. That should be shown in her memorial reel.

4. Kristin Wiig (doing her SNL Taylor Swift impression) and Will Ferrell presenting the award for Best Actress in a Motion Picture Musical or Comedy. Tommy Lee Jones was not amused so you know it was good.

5. Amy Poehler sitting on George Clooney's lap. Thinks Will Arnett to himself: "I've made a terrible mistake."

6. Ben Affleck winning Best Director. After getting snubbed by the Academy, I was sincerely glad he got his moment in the spotlight (without standing next to Matt Damon). Argo was one of my favorite films this year and Affleck deserves the recognition.

7. Argo winning Best Picture- Drama. Really, I would have been fine with any of the nominees, but I took pleasure in Argo's win because it felt like a legitimate surprise (something rare during awards season). Also because Chris Messina is in it and his chiseled jaw occupies my thoughts when I'm washing dishes.


  1. Why aren't we talking about Jodie Foster some more? How does a person come out and demand privacy [at the Golden Globes] in the same breath? Help me.

    My least favorite Globes moments were the ones when people talked so much that I got physically uncomfortable. Anne Hathaway, Ryan Seacrest (counting it), and Jodie. Lots of laugh/crying.

  2. 5. makes me cackle.

    And props to Jodie Foster. Intense speech. Argo was really that good?

  3. Baha. Drunk Globes. Never having been a fan of the Globes myself, this probably made me want to catch next year's one, if only for the drunken shenanigans. Well done. It's always nice to have a laugh after a long day.